


Third time’s a dumbass charm

by quiznakeries



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Matt POV, matt is done with these idiots, pining Sheith, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiznakeries/pseuds/quiznakeries
Summary: Shiro is being weird.At least, that’s what Keith says. Personally, Matt doesn’t think Shiro’s being any more of a dumbass than usual.----Or: Matt is tired of his friends pining and decides to do something about it
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	Third time’s a dumbass charm

**Author's Note:**

> last time was sweet and fluffy, so this is dumb as shit

**Third time’s a dumbass charm**

_ Prompt 2: Pet names _

  
  


Shiro is being  _ weird _ .

At least, that’s what Keith says. Personally, Matt doesn’t think Shiro’s being any more of a dumbass than usual.

Not that he’s going to say so out loud. He values his plums too much to risk having them smashed by an overprotective best friend. And there’s no way he’s allowing his end to come at the hands of a guy with a mullet.

He’s picky like that.

“I think he’s mad at us.” Keith mutters into the palm of his hand, big, sad eyes following the movement of his spoon as he stirs a bowl of highly questionable cafeteria surprise.

“Oh c’mon.” Matt pokes at Keith’s leg with his boot, simply because he’s too comfortable to offer any other kind of physical contact. “Why would he be mad at us?”

Of course, Matt knows exactly why Shiro’s been on edge lately, and it’s totally Matt’s fault. He will however claim that he hasn’t created anything that wasn’t already there. He’s just… dragged it, kicking and screaming, into the light.

See, Matthew Holt loves his friends. He really, really does. But if he has to suffer one more semester of watching these two morons try to hide the boner for each other that they carry in their hearts (that’s a perfectly good way to phrase it), he’s going to kill himself.

So he’s testing something. If Allura uses his reports for her study on social behavior and pays him ten bucks for each bunch of observations he produces, that’s his business. 

It’s like this. Shiro, despite being a PHD candidate with brains for miles and a build that makes the jocks look like twizzlers, he maintains a virgin glow and a chivalrous streak that just leaves him one hundred percent useless when it comes to matters of the heart.

And Keith? Matt isn’t sure this guy has a single rational cell in his body. He’s been lusting for Shiro since the second they met but just won’t let that shit sink in.

It’s incredibly frustrating to be Matthew Holt.

First, Matt tried stabbing at Keith’s honor, hoping Shiro would step in and call him out on it. Keith entered the room, and Matt would say something stupid. Like “What’s up Keith? Butt’s looking good.” or “Would you get my pen off the floor? That’s it, beeeend over.”

But as fun as that week and a half was, it didn’t work. Apparently, their best friend being a nasty jerk did nothing but piss Keith off and make Shiro leave college folders on sexual harassment - with the most pressing issues highlighted with neon marker - in his mailbox.

After that fiasco, he tried to care about whether his friends get laid or not, and started setting them up on dates with other people. Naturally, he organized it so the two idiots had to witness the object of their affection date. Under the pretense of being there for their friend in case something went wrong. He hoped this would make at least one of them finally come out and say “Matt, I wish that was me!”.

Neither did.

Keith never got as far as to actually meeting anyone, but politely canceled on each and every perfectly good dude Matt tried to hook him up with.

Shiro wasn’t much better. Sure, he came to the dates and held doors open and pulled his dates seat out for them and all that crap - but at the end of the night, without fail, he would shy away from any chance at something physical. He wouldn’t even touch them, and ducked out of it if there were any advances. He just wasn’t creating enough content for Keith to lose his marbles over. And thus, Matt was losing his.

But now. Now he’s found the perfect way to make Shiro’s little nostrils flare.

A few weeks ago, he started using pet names in his interactions with Keith. It’s perfect, because Keith can pretend all he likes, but he’s starved for affection and sucks it up like a happy little sponge. Plus, he’s dense enough to play it off as a stupid phase Matt’s going through. Like when he tried actually putting together nice outfits on school days and gave up after one week because it was just more effort than it was worth. Ugh.

And Shiro, the beautiful bastard, can’t handle it for shit when Matt talks to Keith and slips a “babe” or “kitten” in there. He looks like he’s about to have an aneurism, each and every time.

Which is what Keith takes as “Shiro being weird”.

These pining, useless,  _ dumbasses _ .

“I have a theory.” Keith blurts, deserting his spook to smack both palm on the tabletop.

Matt cocks an eyebrow in surprise. “Yeah?”

Keith looks all kinds of uncomfortable, and Matt suddenly understands what that surge of aggression was. Keith’s building up to talk about something out of his comfort zone.

Interesting.

Keith pauses. Most people would describe him as blunt, and in many cases that’s absolutely true. But when it comes to getting his head out of his ass and talk about Shiro, he’s like a music box. You have to wind him up, get a few notes out of him, and start all over again.

Matt waits patiently for Keith to gather himself.

“Okay so you remember you were being weird and making moves on me all the time earlier this semester?” He sounds like he’s got something stuck in his throat, like he has to force himself to speak.

Matt swallows his urge to tease.

“Sure.”

“Well now, lately-“ are Keith’s ears turning red? “You’ve been calling me  _ babe _ a lot.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What if- I mean could he maybe-“

“Words, kitten.”

Keith startles, eyes widening as he points an accusatory finger at him. “That’s exactly what I mean! What if Shiro thinks we’re fucking because you keep calling me stupid names?”

In the privacy of his own mind, Matt gives himself a high five.

“First of all,” he gestures to himself. “- you couldn’t handle this.”

Keith snorts.

“Second of all why would it be any of Shiro’s business?”

The obvious answer is this: It would be a really inappropriate thing to keep a secret like that from their best friend, and Shiro would have all right to be upset with them.

Except of course, Keith doesn’t go there, because he’s not thinking about that.

Actually, Keith doesn’t say anything. So Matt goes on.

“What do you think would happen if we did start sleeping together?”

Keith looks much like a small animal backed into a corner. He would be lying if he said he didn’t revel in it.

Does that make him a bad friend?

“We’d never- I couldn’t  _ do that _ -“

“And why not?”

“I don’t know-“

“Whyyyy nooooot?”

“I WOULDN’T SLEEP WITH ANYONE EL-“ Keith’s mouth snaps shut with a click.

Matt feels… on top of the world.

“ _ Anyone else _ ? Anyone else than who?” He pushes a little further. There’s only like a fifty percent chance Keith will maim him beyond recognition. 

Keith all but shoots out of his chair, the tray in front of him clattering dramatically. “I have to go.”

Matt crosses his arms over his chest, watches his friend run away. He yells after him, deadpan but loud enough for the entire cafeteria to hear.

“WHO, KEITH? TELL ME WHO!”

—

  
  


He doesn’t see Keith or Shiro for the rest of the day. Which is weird because he and Keith have class together that the guy never shows up for, and when Matt passes Shiro’s gym where he usually times it perfectly to walk by and make crude gestures at Shiro running on the treadmill facing the window, he isn’t there.

It’s been five hours since Keith stormed out from their lunch, and Matt is bored.

The three of them were supposed to hang out tonight, but they’re half an hour late and neither Keith nor Shiro is answering their damn phone. A part of him hopes they’re out there banging up for lost time. An equal part hates that other part for conjuring the cursed image.

He decides, if those two aren’t going to show up to procrastination night, he isn’t just going to sit around doing nothing.

Not without snacks, anyway.

So he heads to the corner store down his street. Which also happens to be Shiro’s street. He makes quick work of it, grabbing a bag of funions and darting back out in less than two minutes because the little lady at the cash register creeps him out. A lot.

He’s in such a hurry to get out, he almost doesn’t see who’s standing on the corner on the other side of the street. But he does, he sees them, Shiro and Keith. It doesn’t even occur to him to be mad at them for ditching him. Not when the fruits of his labor are finally ripening across the street.

He’s got his phone out in seconds flat, and the camera catches the two embracing figures  _ just _ as they lean in at the same time, and kiss.

The pair continues to hold each other, dropping cute pecks on each other’s lips. Matt doesn’t stay to watch. Instead he pockets his phone, and skips back home with the pride of a job well done.

Allura is going to pay him a butt load for these photos.

—

  
  
  



End file.
